Hey Happy People,
In today’s conversation, we are going to talk about friends. You probably already realized that from the title, but I just like to repeat things.
Let’s jump straight to it:
First, I do not want to conflict the purpose of My Happiness Defined, so I will say that I do not oppose of starting new friendships (it is very much encouraged), but I do think criteria have to be met before I personally call you a “best” friend or even know if you qualify as a “quality” friend.(If you agree, leave a comment)
Quantity is a not a good thing when I think of friendships. Having the most of something does not make it better. However, quality is valued when I think of my friends, and I strive to have the best of something. In the case of someone seeking popularity, an abundance of friends can be beneficial, but I prefer to have people that I can depend on in my life. For that reason, I just don’t have very many friends, but I do consider myself to have the best of friends. If you know me in my personal life, you know that I have a super small circle of people that I call my “best” friends. Okay fine, I have 2 people that are of no relation to me and then a few family members. Regardless, I can turn to them whenever I need something, I can open up to them about my feelings without judgement, I can show up at their house uninvited and stay for hours if I wanted and they are people that I can whole-heartedly trust. They can also expect the same from me. It honestly doesn’t matter how many you friends that you have. Again, quality is what we need our friends to be.
Soooooo what is some criteria that I think makes quality friend?
I look for so much in a friend, but I’ve shortened the list down just a tad for our reading pleasure.
Please feel free to comment what you look for in a quality friend.
Encouraging towards Goals
My friends will read this first one and laugh. I make goals nearly every other day that do not get completed. Nonetheless, each time I run a goal or idea by a friend, I can guarantee that they will always have my back. Whether I want to write a book or stop eating brownies, they will encourage me, uplift me, and make me feel like “I got this!”. If you have to hide your goals from your friends because you won’t have their support, ummm…that’s no Bueno.
Accepts You for You
I do not want to change anything about myself when I am around my friends. I like to be silly, joke around, wearing sweats, and sipping drinks… and that’s IT! There’s more to me then what I just listed, but hopefully you got the point. I like being spontaneous when hanging out with my friends, and just go with the flow. My friends know most of my interests and I very seldom have to change the itinerary when hanging out, because we vibe well. I don’t have to over explain myself and I definitely do not have to apologize for who I am, what I did, or what I said when I am around my friends. My friends know that I’m crazy and they’ve accepted it.
I am very big on protecting my peace, so I tend to only share information with select friends. However, that is not to say that I do not trust all my friends, because I do. I just prefer when someone nosily asks a question about me and my friend has to say, “I don’t know”, it will be the absolute truth…because I didn’t tell them. If I am just spilling all my secrets, I know that my friends are not using it for their own conversational gain. It will stay between us. I do not share confidential information about my friends without permission and they don’t share mine either. In addition to secrets, I need to be able to trust my friends with my property. We all have had a few houseguests that made us uneasy as they lurked around your house, but if your best friend has you hiding your possessions when they show up, just go head and shut them out. I also need to trust my friend with my relationships, if I have to second-guess a conversation between a friend and my husband then I don’t want either one of them.
Tell it to me Honestly
I prefer my friends to tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear. A lot of friendships fail because no one wants to be brutally honest. My friends and I are well versed at telling each other when one or the other is overacting, being dramatic, being a b*tch, etc. If you have a good friendship, hearing that truth won’t bother you. If I don’t look good in an outfit, please do not hype me up. If my hair is not impressive, do not tell me that I’m slaying it. Of course, being honest is not only negativity. Celebrating your friends is just as important. Letting me know that I look nice or acknowledging that cutting out the brownies is working in my favor can really uplift me. My favorite words to hear from my friends is “You’re right.” If my friends agree with me, I need to know so I can keep giving quality advice… and vice versa. None of my friends must lie to me, I encourage their honesty.
No Such Thing as being Ignored
If I don’t answer the phone or return a text right away, my friends honestly don’t care and the same goes for me. My friends are not the best at answering me right away, and while sometimes I really need to talk, I don’t feel ignored. We all live different lives. We work different hours, we have families, we have relationships, and we are just overall busy. A good friendship can go days, even weeks without conversation and still be healthy. As soon as I have some downtime to talk without interruption, then I can call my friends back and neither of us spends pointless time on explaining why it took so long to get back in touch. We just simply pick back up where we left or start a new conversation. Life is too short to have demanding friends that want to hog your ear all day, every day.
I hope this post can be of value to you today as you evaluate who you call “best” friend. Do you fully trust them? Can you be honest with them? Are they too needy? Don’t be afraid to have a conversation with them ASAP if they aren’t measuring up to the type of friend that you need them to be for you.
Join the conversation by leaving your feedback in the comments. What do you look for when seeking friendships? What would you like to add to the list of criteria?