Tears or Water?| Where I hide when I’m Not OKAY

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 It means so much to me to be able to be open and share personal stories with you all. I found myself sharing this little bit of information about me to a friend of mine.  We all go through difficult times and we don’t always have the answer, so here’s how I deal with those times. This  post hints at a little bit of sadness, and that could be a shocker considering the name of this website is My Happiness Defined. I understand that you may be wondering how this relates to anything positive, but I want to remind you that just because ‘happiness’ is in the title of this website, not all of moments in life are rainbows and roses.  There are so many moments in life that have you struggling to see the good in them, the reasoning in why they are happening, or the light at the end of the tunnel.  Although you will eventually reach the end of the struggle and make some sense of it all, it’s a rough battle.

How do I handle these extremely hard times in my life? Well, I put on a Hot Pink jumpsuit and jump around on fire escapes fighting the villains. Yep, I always stay in superhero mode. Geez, just picturing that jumpsuit is exciting.

However, the reality is that I hide.

There’s a certain level of strength that I always like to have, but when I’ve reached my breaking point, I shut down and it’s hard for me to just show that weakness to those around me. I don’t like to worry my son or make my husband feel worse about a situation. When I get to my lowest point and don’t feel like bothering anyone with my emotions, I hide in the shower. 

Is that silly? Comment below.

When I cry in the shower, I just let it all out. I don’t have to hide my face or bury myself under blankets. It’s so therapeutic to just let it all out without having to explain why I’m crying or pretend that I’m okay when I’m not. I can just simply let the tears flow with the shower water. And I get really ugly in there, too! Who’s going to see me? No one. So, I just boohoo my heart out, snot and all of that. I do not hold back.

The shower doesn’t judge me or blame itself for me crying. That’s my problem with crying in front of people; they try to fix the problem, or they assume that they are the problem. If I’m being honest, not all my problems can be fixed.  Sometimes I just have a bad day, sometimes I know God is working on a solution and I’m just not being patient enough, sometimes I just get in my feelings and I need to cry until I get out of them. There are a ton of reasons that I get to my breaking point and others wouldn’t understand, so I go to the shower and just cry it all out.

I don’t always feel better afterwards, but I can honestly say that I can move on with my day. I can put on my hot pink jumpsuit and start back being a bad ass superhero. After crying it out, it makes communication with other people a bit easier because I’m over being mad or sad, and now I’m ready to share without getting overly emotional. 

The past year of my life has been exhausting and I will fill you in on some things with later blog posts.  Every instance took a toll on my mental health. I hold it in very well, but some days it felt like my head would explode. I just hated everyone and everything. I had to accept the fact that I was losing control. 

Crying doesn’t make you weak, it takes a lot of courage to accept that you can’t change something, that you can’t fix it, or that something is bigger than you can handle at the moment. The only person that you damage is yourself when you hold it all in for too long; the anger, pain, sadness, confusion, or frustration that you feel needs to be released so that you can move forward.  I suggest that you find a place that’s free from distraction and let the tears flow when times get to stressful… it is truly one of the most therapeutic things that I do for myself. 


I hope that you won’t judge me for crying.. no one should be ashamed to share how they truly feel. Life is hard, but we make it a lot harder on ourselves by pretending to be okay. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me. It’s okay not to be okay and I’m here for you. 

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Leave  a comment below on how you handle being extremely overwhelmed. How do you deal with stress? What are some therapeutic ways that you handle anger, pain, sadness, etc.?

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